I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
