she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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