I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
