So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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