Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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