ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
