i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
