my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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