did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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