I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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