fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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