Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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