My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
