i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Blood and glitter go together right?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
