so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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