I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
