i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
