You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Pappa wants mamma naked
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
