are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm like, not good at living.
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