Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
