there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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