You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
