Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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