nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
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