omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
