Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Is Oprah even human
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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