I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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