Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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