I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
