she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
This is not my ceiling
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
