Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
