Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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