bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
