let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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