Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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