it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
4 words: hood of his car
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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