i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
They are going to name an STD after you.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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