The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
