u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
