Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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