Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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