my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
