Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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