I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
