YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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