I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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