You just made me feel so damn special
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
