The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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