just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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