I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just found a bag of teeth...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
