The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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