so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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