Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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