She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
