sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
