Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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