my soul wont recognize me after tonight
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I didn't notice because vodka
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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