She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
