need another drink. this is the easiest way
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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