Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
