hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
