hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
