WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
