Pants 0. Shit 1.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
