Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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