she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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