no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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