Kiss
Puke
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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