everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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