upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
