Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
why do cheetos always look like penises
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
