When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
