i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
