well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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